vintage loves - a good wedding dress

'I've never had the time of my life.'

'I know baby. And I say this from the deepest part of my heart: what are you waiting for?'

I was watching 'Something's Gotta Give' and I was thinking so many things, mainly how much I love Diane Keaton and the whole Coastal Grandmother vibe, and how much I miss my mom, miss holding her hand, or how we'd link arms sometimes. I was thinking about good tailoring and how much I'd like a afternoons in bed, feet tangled up with someone else's. 

And that led me into a thought-whirl how much I miss my father, how angry/bereft I am that he won't see the next big moments - meeting a new spouse, watching my children bloom, BBQs, Jay getting paroled, ordinary big life stuff, you know? And I was thinking about how much I've lived but often I have stood just off to the side of living, wrapping myself up tightly to self-protect.  And how it still doesn't keep one from getting hurt. 

The boychild came home from camp and asked about weddings. His father is getting remarried and the little guy is a bit worried that I haven't 'zinged' with anyone. It's sweet, right?  So I broke out the wedding album and we had a look through what was probably one of the most bewildering days of my life.

This photo was taken 17 years ago, about 20 minutes before the ceremony. That whole wedding...I mean...my mom started hyperventilating during her speech, two of the tables caught on fire from the heat of the tea lights, and all I could think was 'I really should have taken daddy up on his offer to just keep walking through the room.' By then it was too late: I was already Mrs Binnington.  It wasn't all terrible. But that first year? That was brutal. All that commuting between London and Chicago. So many nights alone. So much jetlag. 

The dress though? So on point. Heavy cream lace with a pale pink skirt and detachable train with lace detail.  It needed no altering - I still had a 19" waist then.  I found it on eBay for $50, including shipping. I wore my mother's veil. All my dear friends wore black, unintentionally and it was perfection.