One stitch (okay, steri strip)

18 months ago, I was hurrying down the stairs. It was the Friday night service for Holocaust Memorial Week and we were late. I was wrsr suepr cute but lethal shoes and I did a flip down the stairs. Anyway, 4 hours 1 set of disolbabke stitches, and 2 butterfly strips later, I was sent home and advised to watch out for concussion. I was silly and did not rest or watch for signs until I couldn't avoid them on the Monday.  But they also gave me 5 sets of steri-strips and showed me how to carefully med-bond myself up. 

I know, it sounds odd, but I'm a bit clumsy and a bit bendy. Not hypermobile or double-jointed, but just on the cusp.  And when I get overloaded or am carrying too much, I literally fall over. I don't feel like I am doing too much, but yeah...maybe a 70 hour week isn't the best thing for me right now. 

So tonight, I'm having a talk with one of besties and she's telling me like it is, which is one of the reasons we've survived 28 years of friendship. 'Look, you really need to offload some of this stuff. You've got to step back and take a breathe. And find help to manage things like your grandma's place and estate. This situation with your dad? It is not great. It's terrible, actually and it is going to take a toll.'

And it already is...I mean, don't feel stretched to thin, except clearly I am. Today, I picked up some archives boxes, turned to quickly and ended up cracking my head open on a skylight insert. I debated about whether I needed to go to A&E. Spoiler alert: if you're talking to yourself about whether you need to go to A&E, go. 

But I didn't beause kids and football. Instead I patched myself up as best I could onsite, drove home and searched out the steri-strips. Cleaned up the cut and did my magic. A little home triage care. 

But I have got to be better at letting people in to help. I mean, I have two other adults staying in the house with me and I didn't summon them for support. I don't know if it is. Delayed coping mechanism or what, but yeah...it's becoming apparent where I need to focus energies. 

More than anything, I want to be able to lean on people, just occasionally rest my head. I mean...it's just nuts that I am not able to take a pause longer than 24 hours and not trust my support system.  If I'm really honest, the trouble brewing Stateside is bringing up all sorts of emotions and memories, around my brother's accident, my grandmother's death, my parents' marital implosions, and it has only just this moment occurred to me that I'm slipping back into a dangerous pattern of treading water.