Old Home Week

I went to the Neon Movies yesterday to see 'Road Runner: Anthony Bourdain.' the use of AI with primary source content was more than enough to draw me there. Through in my crush on the guy (lanky, awkward, shy, kind of an asshole) and of course I was going to go.  And I'll probably see it again because it was just too much to absorb, especially since my father just tried to commit suicide, albeit in a much slower, agonizing way.  Towards the end, I can't even remember why, I started to keen softly and my my dear friend just slipped her hand in to mine. It hurts, all of this uncertainty. It makes me want to take all of the DNA tests to see if I have more siblings who might want to share the load. 

Being in Dayton is weird.  I mean, I'm not from here, but my mother was a second generation Daytonian. Her grandfather worked his way up from coal miner to manager of the coal yard. My grandparents started their janitorial supply business in a chicken coop on Arrow Avenue.  They are stitched into the fabric of 20th Century Dayton and so much of my own peripetic life has been spent resting just long enough to shore myself up for the next thing. 

My own life is steady. I have my archives work and my project work, I have my littles and Miss Jones. I dance in my kitchen and I read or listen to audio books. I go out to my surrogate uncle's for lunch. I work on my mystery novels, I extreme crochet.  I daydream about meeting my guy and the life we'll blend together. I wear ball gowns to bingo, love a reason to get fancy for no reason. I mean, how is it that I am now in a position that I am having to sort out all of this nonsuch and nonsense alone? I have a brother. Yes, he has neurodiversity issues from a frfree

This life that I am cleaning up here? I could not have stopped this trajectory. Most of my interactions with my family require sheer force of will to just stay my course.  But yesterday, in the overgrown back garden fit for a Hammer Horror movie, I found this little beauty and it reminded me that it's all gonna shake out the way it does and that I only get this journey for this one time.