Left of Center

Food in the US suburbs tastes funny. Ijust had yogurt and granola and it tasted like...I don't even know. Synthetic vanilla, if Soilent Green came in an array of flavours. Soilent Green Salted Caramel, anyone?

I checked out of the Crown Plaza in Dayton yesterday . Faded, shabby, not the Crown Plaza of my youth, when Downtown bustled, before the 1990s hollowed her out, like a hysterectomy gone terribly wrong.  It is the closest hotel to the hospital and all of my Spidey senses said staying at my teenage home was not a good idea. Given the number of used needles I disposed of in the last week, I support my decision.  I am pretty sure one could get Hepatitis A-C just by walking barefoot in the house.

The lawyer I hired yesterday was incredibly kind. 'I know it feels insurmountable. Just remember, you are not the first person to have do this, evict addicts, clear out a property. I know it feels like it, but there are resources and you will use them. They come in Hazmat suits and take care of the worst of the physical stuff. Let them.' I absorb his words, soothe the panicked 7 year old who is about to undergo her 5th move. 'You're okay, my lovely. You go be 7. I am 43 and I know how to do this.' I hug her tiny frame, kiss her forehead. 

As I walked down the once grand staircase, I kid you not there were 5 USAF pilots. It was like the Universe was saying 'Here's a little extra awesome and sexy, just for you. You deserve it.'. Of course, I also have two mysterious bug bites, so I am not really sure...fleas? Mosquitos? I start to giggle-cry and I spend a ridiculous amount of time in the shower, almost scalding water pounding

This morning I woke up to an email from the US Embassy offering us an appointment for tomorrow.  It's very sweet, actually, except that I am already in the US, and the co-parent and kiddos fly out today.  All of which, the US Embassy knows because we have sent them the flight information 4 times.  It's a bit like what imagine being a stuffed animal in a tumble dryer with a pair of trainers feels like. 

I've been trying to renew the Sandman's passport since 5 September (his birthday) when it expired. Because I knew a storm was brewing, in the same way I knew in February 2014 that something would happen, that the adventure Peggy and Jim were embarking on was going to end...let's say, explosively.  But it wasn't an emergency, then it could have been, and now it is a situation of Mayhem and the emails I am getting are...ridiculous.

It will all shake out, it always does. They've cleared security in London, no issues. By midnight, I will be snuggled up with my babies. 

Meanwhile, I am really out of my Covid comfort zone in the Midwest. There is little recognition of social distance, many people are like eye-rolling children about wearing masks.  'I'm thinking about doing a second round of jabs whilst I am here,' I say to one of my aunts, whose eyes turn the size of half dollars!  

'You can't! It's poison!'

'Well, maybe. But B, I grew up as an Army brat. I'm pretty sure there's a tracking chip somewhere in my body. Who knows what I've been with what experimented on.'

'But you know it's a biological weapon, Covid?'

'I heard. You do know we have entire bases like USAMRIID dedicated to developing and managing biological weapons? I mean, it's kind of a hobby for the modern Nation-State.'

We go back to talking about Daddy, and I sit back in my deck chair, looking out into the woodland, shimmering in the heat and humidity.  The fireflies are emerging. I leave the rifle with my uncle, along with spare boxes of ammunition. 

Turns out, retirement has led her to The Truthseekers. I am not judging, but it feels a dark road.  Also, there is a lot of misuse of the term 'critical race theory,' and it is starting to piss me off. Hard. Like, I'm going to have to go to one of the boxing gyms so I don't lose my sh*t on some poor, unsuspecting rando. I leave with a list of websites I should investigate. I look at two, feel sick, close the laptop and sit with the enormity of the space between the worlds I inhabit. 

Liminal space, notes from the margin, and I am surrounded by people I've known most of my laugh but feel little connection to...It's no wonder I wake up slightly addled on occasion.