The price of addiction

If one were to look at just the financials, it costs approximately $30,000/year to house my brother in federal prison. If he serves his full sentence, it will cost over $500,000. 

It will cost $60,000 to clean up the properties and get them on the market to sell, not including the labor. 

My dad's current nursing home costs $312/day. He hates it. Refuses to get out of bed, though, so that limits options. Ultimately, he wants to be at the VA. It's my duty to get him there, my last thing I can do for my dad whilst he's alive, outside of lift him up to adjust his pillows, mosturize his scaling, flaky feet, bring him treats and trinkets. I am breathless at time with my love for him, others overwhelmed with anger that he became a stopped clock.

Knowing that the lymphoma is linked to his 27 years active duty isn't a surprise. I don't even think either of us are angry about the correlation. It's the trade you make. What make me angry is that we have to navigate a sea of bureaucratic BS to get the Federal Government to honour their side commitment. The reciprocity isn't there for so many Veterans and I just don't understand why it is so hard for people to walk their talk. 

The next months, maybe years will be some kind of something. It will cost somewhere in the region of $4,000 every trip I have to make back to the US, even with flash sales and careful planning, to navigate chemo and appointments. I'll have to ask and receive help. 

The toll journey takes on the addict themselves depends on the individual, but I can't imagine it's a joyous one.  My own issues with addiction feel mild in comparison, even though I know there have been moments that could have pushed through to a similar state of madness and destruction. I just...I work hard to maintain a bit of naiveté. I don't want this experience to ruin me, to ruin my ability to see the beauty and joy in even the bleakest moments. This isn't my favourite summer vacation but weirdly, it isn't my worst. Even the mementos I come across remind me of that, like these: