'Look, mama! There's a vending machine for everything! It's like Japan!'

My last day in Dayton and the weather is the most intensely humid it has been since I arrived 5 weeks ago. Ida makes landfall in Grand Isle, heading fast for New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and Lafayette. Friends/family that can/will are evacuating (mercifully, because memories of Katrina and Camille linger), and I sit with my dad, watching the bodies of soldiers being returned to Dover, Deleware. The ages of the returned are so young: 20, 22, 23. So young. 

 The flags are flying at half mast across the VA campus. Last night, I looked through old photographs and came across a Company christmas party, my whole family, including our Serbian foreign exchange student and his mother, in attendance. Surreal, really. Today, my dad grabbed my hand. 'I know you don't think you are, but you are one of us. I am always proud of you.'' He nods towards the screen. 'Its just so freakin sad.'

 The house is not fully empty of furniture but that is okay; I'll be back in less than 2.5 weeks. I sage the interior and the perimeter of the houses after the kidlets are asleep. Whilst it isn't perfect, I am not haunted/wracked with guilt about real estate photographers coming by.  Now, I jus thave to decide if I am taking leave or working remotely. There is research that I can do Stateside, to be sure. The temptation to have work as a balm is huge. I've left clothes on the flip so I can pack lightly. September is still (usually) warm in Ohio. Weird to think I may be able to have dinner with my dad on my birthday.

I don't want to leave and I am desperate to leave. The last time I felt this conflicted about leaving a situation, I was 12 and my baby brother was in a coma.  There are no right or wrong answers, right now. The only thing I can control is my behaviour and my actions. I am not always successful, having not slept properly in 2.5 months. But the worry is less intense, even when a state trooper pulls me over for speeding. I don't launch into an excuse or the backstory, just acknowledge I was speeding. And give him my UK license because I know it will confuse the situation enough that he won't want the paperwork, especially as the rain is howling down. Game recognises game and he smiles. 'Slow it down, ma'am. You know you'll get where you're going soon enough.'