Why is echolalia a bad thing?

One of my mom-crushes wears the most exquisite jilbabs, with intricate embroidery and pattern work. She seems to float, even when weighted down by the day and obligation.  A few weeks ago she stopped me and commented 'I always love seeing what you're going to wear. You always radiate confidence.'  Of course, upon learning the word 'jilbab,' I walked around repeating to myself like a prayer. How can echolalia be bad thing if it sounds like salvation?

I was wearing paint splattered yoga sweats and I kid you not, I had not washed my hair in 3 days. I had showered but only because I nag my youngest and it doesn't seem right to not walk my walk.  I wasn't feeling low, but I was feeling washed out and her words were a much needed balm. I am so far from confident at the moment that it feels like a distant island. 

I feel like our relationship is expanding such that i may broach a coffee in September. And that makes me hopeful about the autumn, which I can already smell in the air. It's my favourite but also most terrifying time of year, the autumn...

The last month has been a month of revelations. I've had to sit with some intense, uncomfortable truths and realisations and I don't like it. It makes me want to lean into ALL of my negative patterning and it would be so easy, especially today to do just that. Instead, I went to the physio, am replacing the busted lock, and am sorting out what I can before I take a much needed nap because  a 10 hours of sleep one night a week isn't enough, and I can't function at even half capacity on less than 4. 

I realized this week that I had short-changed myself by changing my alternating 'weekend,' which is traditionally Tuesday and Wednesday and sacrificing my silent Wednesdays.  It's had a profound (and not necessarily positive) impact and knowing that, I feel like I can go into the Autumn ready and and with clearer boundaries.

I'm very tired at the moment, the kind of tired that doesn't lend itself to accessibility or coherence. I prattle and for someone already prone to tangents...

Yet, I am moving through the day. I am accomplishing small but vital tasks and I haven't forgotten a child or feline anywhere. So I guess that counts for something. 

Today, I changed out a lock, managing to keep the original cylinder to avoid having to cut new keys. It made me realize how overcomplicated the world is presented to us.  I had to shift a few things, but I made the appointments, I turned up, I made an ass out of myself on the reformer and picked up medication, buy the swim shirt, sort what I can but not beyond my limits and still I can barely lift myself from the bath or keep my eyes open. It's exhausting.