Chapter 45

'Pleaee stop shouting. This is important.' The voice in my head keeps repeating  I try to find my wallet, again. Did I lock the car? But seriously, where is my wallet? This comes a day after a diagnosis for ADHD, which didn't come as a surprise but also brought only a modicum of relief.

Yes, so there IS a reason that can be explained by that feeling, of morning sun frittering away into the afteenoon. A brisk walk or scaling a tree help quell

the agitation or anxiety

I see it now, because I am on the flip-side of having the concept filed away without having it independently assessed, if you will. My Dayton Bestie raises the idea that medication might help with the Executive Functioning (two the triplets are in matching sequinned tuxedos for birthday months, the middle one has gone for something more Gilda, since it is the birthday month.

Sometimes, I really dislike being a daughter, a sister, the (former) wife. I hate the weight of expectation, of responsibility, of mortgages and weighing the risk of doing something new.  So much of the last month has been dedicated to circumnavigating the US federal prison system, helping my brother get ready to start courses, making sure he has resources in place.  But expending that energy comes at a price.  

I do love this time of year, the crisp bite in the air, the way the light flicks through the trees. Apple cider and harvests, pumpkin spice bread and old movie marathons. And the kittens are growing, exploring every nook and cranny of the house, which still seems empty without Miss Jones. 

Some years, the birthday season is full of madcap delight, painting the town in hues of red, possibly with glitter. This year, I've taken a different, quieter path choosing to blend activities - a little burlesque here, a book soiree there, extra piano lessons, new reeds for my clarinet.  I've push the Princess Pirates in PJs back to the end of the month and track down a hacksaw.  The biggest expenditure will be a new (old sofa).  Still passportless, I dream of destinations further afield whilst I prepare for a weekend at the beach, early nights, and Sleepytime tea.