Christmas eve Santa left cookies but took the gifts

Living between places is a challenge and a blessing. I haven't even broken bread this time round with my southern self. That, I leave for 2026. This trip has been very Midwest and in 7 days time, I will do it again, for the bonus mama I was given when a dark eyed girl with an exquisite heart made me her sister in 1984. My friend has stood by my side through questionable choices in men and hair, through the aftermath of literal fire and and quiet  grief and through moments of such joy, there are not words to express. 

When my friend took me into her heart, so did her mother. And it was her mother who held me tight when my son died, when my mom caught fire, when my father gave way to his own dispair. It was this woman who told me that marriage was not something we risk life and limb for, that walking away is not a sacrifice, it's self preservation. She helped return my faith to me and she has helped make me the woman I am becoming today. The lives we can live in a moment are many and I have been blessed beyond measure to have had moments with my bonus mom. But I am still greedy and would want more. 

The heart has many rooms, so many places to turn around. The heartbreak of death is so much more nuanced than the heartbreak of all the love affairs that never were, the friendships that we shed or outgrown, the late nights and tearful mornings after the many ways our worlds can crumble and resemble decay. The way our worlds shift as the people who made us move on in their journeys in ways that make us feel left behind is a very specific ghost. And when they leave, in that silence we have to know they leave us with their love, their resilience, and their joy. We are them. They are us.

 And we continue because time wounds all heels and brings us back full circle. And we plant new trees that we water with our tears.